The 39 Clues Quote Archive!
by Alex Almighty
Summary: Welcome to the Official 39 Clues Quote Archive! Here, will contain the bestest quotes from all the 39 Clues books and series! :D Please enjoy yourself!  not like you can't on something this cool:


**Welcome to the Official 39 Clues Quote Archive! Here, will hopefully eventually contain the bestest quotes from all the 39 Clues books as well as the follow up series! :D This just might have the world record for page breaks as well! ;) This chapter has quoted form the Maze of Bones! Please enjoy yourself! (not like you can't on something this cool:)**

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><p>It all started when they went to their grandmother's funeral. Secretly, Dan was excited, because he was hoping to make a rubbing of her tombstone after anyone else was gone.<p>

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><p>His favorite rubbing read: PRUELLA GOODE 1891-1929 I'M DEAD. LET'S HAVE A PARTY.<p>

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><p>Amy was three years older and six inches taller than Dan, and she never let him forget it – like being fourteen was such a big deal. Dan hoped her outfit was as uncomfortable as his stupid suit and tie. Aunt Beatrice had thrown a fit when he tried to go to the funeral in his ninja clothes.<p>

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><p>"What are you reading this time?" he asked. "<em>Medieval European Doorknobs<em>? _Bath Towels Through the Ages_?"

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><p>"Nellie's nice!" Dan protested.<p>

"Hmph! This _Nellie_ almost let you burn down the neighbor's apartment building!"

"Exactly!"

Dan liked her because she made amazing waffles and she usually cranked her iPod up to brain-damage level. She didn't even hear when Dan's bottle rocket collection went off and strafed the building across the alley. Dan would miss Nellie when she got fired.

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><p>Dan thought it was kind of stupid they'd hired a hearse to carry Grace a hundred yards down the driveway. They could've put wheels on the coffin like they have on suitcases and that would've worked just as well.<p>

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><p>The whole Holt family was way too buff. They had meaty hands and thick necks and faces that looked like G.I. Joe figures. Even the mom looked like she should be shaving and chewing on a cigar.<p>

"Now, girls," Eisenhower said. "We can't go flinging people at the funeral. This is a happy occasion!"

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><p>;p<p>

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><p>Dan called out, "Most likely to what?"<p>

"In your case, Dan," Ian Kabra muttered right behind him, "to be a stupid American git."

His sister, Natalie, giggled. She was holding an invitation and looked very pleased with herself.

Before Dan could kick Ian in a soft spot, the grey gray-suited guy answered.

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><p>"Thank you all for coming," he said gravely. "I am William McIntyre, Madame Cahill's lawyer and executor."<p>

"Executor?" Dan whispered to Amy. "He killed her?"

"No, you idiot," Amy whispered back. "That means he's in charge of her will.

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><p>"Oh, yeah?" Dan said. "Well, maybe we're <em>not<em> related! Maybe you're mutant aliens, because _real_ kids don't dress like bankers and fly around in their daddy's privet jet."

Part of Amy wanted to chase down the Kabras and hit them with a chair.

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><p>The great hall was as big as a basketball court, with tons of armor and swords lining the walls and huge windows that looked like Batman could crash through them any minute.<p>

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><p>It didn't help that Dan was jumping around like he needed to go to the restroom. "One million dollars!" he squealed. "I could get Mickey Mantle rookie card <em>and<em> a Babe Ruth 1914!"

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><p>Dan felt a dizzy rush, like the time he ate twenty packs of Skittles.<p>

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><p>"Where we going, Dad?" Hamilton asked.<p>

"I don't know. But everybody else is leaving! Follow them!"

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><p>Amy's eyes widened. "Wait a minute. I remember reading that back in the 1700s, people used to do that. They would use only one letter if they wanted to disguise their names."<p>

"Huh," Dan said. "So, like, I could say A – has a face like a baboon butt, and you wouldn't know who I'm talking about?"

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><p>"I'm afraid I can't help you there," Mr. McIntyre said, but Dan could tell from his tone that he was keeping something back. "However, children, there <em>is <em>another…ah, interested party you should know about. Not one of the four Cahill branches, but a group that may make your quest more difficult."

"Ninjas?" Dan asked hopefully.

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><p>"Why did Grace autograph the world?" he asked.<p>

Amy glanced over. "She was a cartographer. A mapmaker and an explorer. She made that globe herself."

"How did you know that?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Because I _listened _to her stories."

"Huh." That idea never had occurred to Dan.

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><p>He hadn't even been allowed to go on the fourth grade field trip to New York last spring because he'd put Mentos in his Spanish teacher's Diet Coke.<p>

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><p>"She's been doing voodoo on the world!" Dan said.<p>

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><p>"Richard Saunders was a pseudonym," Uncle Alistair explained.<p>

Dan knit his eyebrows. "A fake foot?"

(Amy attempts to explain)

"So we're related to a guy with multiple personalities?" Dan said.

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><p>"That's great. Aren't almanacs for sports?"<p>

"Not this kind," Amy said. "This has facts for farmers. It's like a yearbook with useful tips and articles. Franklin put all his famous quotations in there, like 'Early to bed, early to rise,'"

"Uh-huh."

"And 'A rolling stone gathers no moss.'"

"Why would farmers care if stones are mossy or not?"

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><p>Meanwhile, Dan was bouncing up and down in his usual annoying way. "I'm related to Benjamin Franklin? You're kidding!"<p>

"Why don't you go fly a kite in a storm and see if you get electrocuted?" Amy suggested.

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><p>But he hated his inhaler. It made him feel like Darth Cahill or something.<p>

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><p>"Aunt Beatrice dressed as a man?" Personally, Dan liked this idea, because Beatrice definitely had the "evil" factor going for her.<p>

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><p><em>"Mrrp,"<em> Saladin said.

"I agree with the cat," Dan said. "After that man in black and Uncle Alistair, I say we make a new RESOLUTION. Stay away from old guys."

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><p>"So how do we get an adult?" he asked. "Rent one?"<p>

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><p>Nellie pulled out her other earbud. They had her attention now. Three words always worked with Nellie: guys, food, and money.<p>

Nellie frowned. "Why isn't your aunt asking me about this?"

"Oh, she broke her neck," Dan blurted out.

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><p>"Hello?" Nellie said to the phone. "Yeah, Dad, listen, I've got a new job for the Cahills."<p>

Pause.

"Yeah, it's real good money. So I can't make dinner tonight like I promised." Nellie picked up the diamond ring, but Amy snatched it away. "How long? Um… we're traveling. So a few weeks, Maybe… months?"

She yanked the phone away from her ear. On the other end, her dad was yelling in rapid Spanish.

"Dad!" Nellie said. _"No, claro. _But the fall semester doesn't start for a month, and it's all, like, boring courses. I could just take more hours in the spring and –"

Another burst of angry Spanish.

"Well, if you'd let me go to the cooking school instead of stupid regular college –"

Her dad's yelling got slightly louder than a nuclear explosion.

_"Que, papa?"_ Nellie yelled. _"Lo siento, _you're breaking up. I'll call you later when I get a better signal. Love ya!"

She hung up.

"He's fine with it," she announced. "I'm in, kiddos."

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><p>"Oh, we're glad, too," Ian promised. "Natalie, I believe it's safe now."<p>

Irina frowned, not understanding. Then she looked at Natalie – that pretty girl who seemed harmless in her white dress – and realized the young she-devil had a tiny silver dart gun cupped in her hand, not tow inches from Irina's chest. Irina's heart skipped a beat. She had used such guns herself. The darts could carry poisons far worse than she dared keep in her fingernails.

Natalie smiled prettily, keeping her dart gun aimed and ready. "It was so good to see you, Irina."

"Indeed," Ian said smugly. "I'd shake your hand, cousin, but I'd hate to ruin your special manicure. Do let us know when Amy and Dan are eliminated, won't you?"

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><p>Dan shrugged. "Thirty nine is a good number. It's thirteen times three. It is also the sum of prime numbers in a row – 3, 5, 7, 11, 13. <em>And<em> if you add the first three powers of three, 3¹ plus 3² plus 3³, you get thirty-nine."

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><p>"We're being followed," she announced.<p>

"What?" Dan said.

"Five cars back," Amy said. "Gray Mercedes. It's the Starlings."

"A Starbucks?" Nellie said excitedly. "Where?"

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><p>Nellie didn't need to be told twice. She yanked the wheel to the right and the Toyota careened across three lanes of traffic. Saladin yowled. Just was they were about to slam into the safety-impact barrels, Nellie slipped onto an exit last view Amy got of the Starlings was Sinead's freckled face pressed against the window of the Mercedes, her jaw hanging open as she watched Amy and Dan get away.<p>

"Is that lost enough?" Nellie asked.

_Mrrp!"_ Saladin protested.

"You could've killed us!" Dan had a big grin on his face. "Do that again!" :)

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><p>"<p>

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><p>"He didn't <em>invent<em> electricity," Amy said, trying not to sound too annoyed. "He discovered that lightning was the same stuff as electricity. He invented lightning rods to protect buildings and experimented with batteries and –"

"_I_ do that. Have you ever put one on your tongue?"

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><p>The librarian adjusted her glasses and left the room.<p>

"Franklin invented those, too." Amy said absently.

Dan frowned. "Librarians?"

"No bifocals!"

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><p>"Holy almanacs," Dan said. "That's a big Ben."<p>

Amy nodded. "At the end of his life he was so heavy he had to be hauled around in a sedan chair carried by four big convicts."

"Sweet," Dan said. "I want a sedan chair."

"You weigh ninety pounds."

"RESOLUTION: Start eating more ice cream."

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><p>"Check this out!" Dan picked a mechanical arm and grabbed Amy's wrist with it.<p>

"Stop that!" she said. "Franklin made that for getting things off high shelves, not annoying your sister."

"I bet if he had a sister –"

"He did have a sister!

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><p>"Next!" Amy said. She was sure the man in black was going to burst in on them any second.<p>

"Whoa!" Dan said.

Amy gripped his arm. "You found it?"

"No, but look! This whole essay – 'To the Royal Academy.' He wrote a whole essay on Farts!" Dan grinned in delight. "He's proposing a scientific study of different fart smells. You're right, Amy. This guy was a genius!"

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><p>"When Franklin was really old," Amy said, "he was the American ambassador in Paris. He was working on a peace treaty to end the Revolutionary War. He had a house in a place called Passy, and all the French thought he was like a rock star."<p>

"They treat fat old gut like rock stars in France?"

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><p>"I'm going to regret this," Nellie muttered. "But I might as well regret it in Paris."<p>

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><p>"Nellie!" Dan said. "You speak <em>French<em>?"

"Duh. My mom taught French. She was, like, French."

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><p>Amy gritted her teeth. "King Louis XVI even put Franklin's picture on a chamber pot!"<p>

Jonah looked at his dad. "Do we have souvenir chamber pots?"

"No." His dad whipped out his phone. "I'll make the call."

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><p>"Exactly! Look, you think it was easy for me growing up rich and famous in Beverly Hills?" Jonah paused. "Actually, it was easy. The point is I work hard to stay that way. Fame is something you gotta keep building, baby. Am I right, dad?"<p>

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><p>Dan was tempted to stop about twenty times as they trailed Irina Spasky down the Rue de Rivoli. (He wondered if that meant "the Street of Ravioli," but he decided Amy would laugh at him if he asked.)<p>

A few times he wanted to check stuff out – like the cool glass pyramid at the Louvre and the street performers who were juggling fire outside the Tuileries garden. There was also a vendor selling crème glacée, and Dan was pretty sure that meant ice cream.

It was a conspiracy, Dan decided. The entire city of Paris was trying to starve him.

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><p>There were computers along the walls, and in the middle of the room was conference table that seemed to be one huge flat screen TV. Irina was alone, leaning over the tabletop. Stacks of paper and folders sat next to her. She was punching commands on the tabletop, making images to zoom or shrink. She was looking at a satellite map of the city.<p>

Dan didn't dare speak, but he locked eyes with Amy.

_I want one of those,_ he told her.

Amy's expression said _Shut up!_

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><p>"Amy, come on!" Dan straddled the railing.<p>

"You'll break your legs!"

"Hang from the edge and just drop. I've done it off the roof at school a million times. It's easy."

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><p>Dan's blood was racing. Now that he was out of danger, he realized how much fun he'd just had.<p>

"I want an arsenal! And one of those computer-screen tables. Amy, we need to make our own secret headquarters!"

"Oh, sure," Amy said, still breathing hard. She pulled some change and bills out of her pocket. "I've got about two hundred and fifty-three euros left. You think that'll buy a secret headquarters?"

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><p>Eisenhower, the weary leader of the family, bellowed, "Stop it! Company, FALL IN!"<p>

Hamilton and Madison separated and snapped to attention, dropping the Fudgesicles.

Mary-Todd brushed herself off, glared at her children, then fell into line. Reagan held the Eskimo Pies in present arms stance. Arnold rolled over and played dead.

"Right!" Eisenhower growled. "I will not have this family killing each other over frozen dairy products!"

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><p>"That's the Île de la Cité over there," Amy said as they walked across, mostly to keep herself calm. "And that's Notre Dame Cathedral."<p>

"Cool," Dan said. "You think we can see the hunchback?"

"Um… maybe later."

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><p>Dan was confused. "But… you're not going to kill us?"<p>

"I'm going to help you, stupid." Nellie shook his shoulders gently. "Nobody messes with my babysitees."

"Au pairees," Dan corrected.

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><p>Maisen des Gardons did not mean the house of gardens. Apparently, <em>gardons <em>meant roaches.

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><p>"I've suspected for a while," Amy said, "but I was hoping I was wrong because it's risky. <em>The Maze of Bones.<em> That's what Mom's note said in _Poor Richard's Almanac_. We have to explore the Catacombs."

"Is that where they keep the cats?" Dan asked.

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><p>"I want a room decorated with bones!" Dan said.<p>

The thing is… look at the dates. See when they started moving bones into the Catacombs?"

Dan squinted at the screen. He didn't see what she was talking about. "Is it my birthday?"

Sinead sighed in surrender. "Really?"

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><p>The old man sauntered toward them, smiling with his arms out. As he got closer, Dan noticed he had a black eye.<p>

"My dear children!"

Nellie whopped him upside the head with her backpack.

"The Korean dude is down!" Jonah said.

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><p>"These are cool," Dan decided.<p>

"Maybe I could –"

"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."

"Awww."

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><p>Dan scratched his head. Then he scratched a skull's head.<p>

"Can you be more disgusting?" Natalie asked.

"Why, does it annoy you?" Dan asked.

"Yes, very much," Natalie said.

"Then my mission is complete," Dan said.

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><p>"Why are they numbered?"<p>

Amy wasn't in the mood for his games. "What numbers?"

"Here on the forehead." Dan tapped one of the skulls. "This guy was number three. Were they on a football team or something?"

"I doubt that," Ian said.

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><p>Notes, lines, and stanzas were etched in the rock – a complicated song. It brought back bad memories of Dan's piano teacher, Mrs. Harsh, who'd quit giving him lessons last year after he painted her minor keys with Crazy Glue.<p>

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><p>As soon they were up, Amy followed, but she knew Jonah and his dad wouldn't stay put for long.<p>

"That was awesome!" Dan was bouncing up and down with excitement. "Can we seal them down there?"

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><p>Saladin stared at him as if to say, <em>Show me some red snapper, kid, and I'll think about it."<em>

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><p>"You're a thief," Amy said.<p>

Ian hooked his harness to the huge black kite. "Not a thief, Amy. A _Lucian_."

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><p>"So, really, I saved the day," he decided.<p>

"Wait a minute," Amy said. "_I _climbed onto the roof in the middle of a thunderstorm."

"Yeah, but the clue was in _my_ pants."

Amy rolled her eyes. "You're right, Dan. You are the real hero."

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><p>But it could've been worse. At least they hadn't gotten lost forever in the Catacombs or slammed in the face with a box of ice cream.<p>

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><p>"No mistakes," the man in black agreed. And together, they watched the cit of Paris spread out below them, ten million people completely unaware that the fate of the world hung in the balance.<p>

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><p><strong>The end! :) Where has Alex Almighty been you ask? He died. But only on the Internet. So he's alive. But only in real life. But enough with the riddles! I have actually been INCREDIBLY busy. Grades, lacrosse, basketball, surfing expos, soccer, moving, Christmas, new school… you name it! I also recently got my Internet taken away cause I was called to the counselors at school because I apparently fall asleep everyday in all my classes. I get home from school at ten cause of sports THEN have to do my homework, what do they expect? (Not to mention I have to save the world as Spiderman's sidekick every night. I told the counselor that and she just rolled her eyes and told me that Spiderman was a movie not a person. I told here that she of course Spiderman isn't a full person… he's half Spider! Sigh. True story.) But I got it back finally got it back so here I am.<strong>

**Medusa Plot in Ian's POV? Many of you have asked me about that. Well, to tell the truth the Medusa Plot annoyed me. All of the characters developments that were created throughout the last series totally went back to how they were in the first book! Except Dan. He was plain emo. Ian's POV would have been super boring! BUT DON'T WORRY! The next book I feel is exciting (and romantic) enough to write from his point of view, it will happen! :D**

**I know I just moved, but I'm moving to Hawaii next month. From Indiana! Big change. It's hard because I have no idea what to expect. I'm leaving behind my whole life, school, and friends. But that's what Skype is for I guess! At the same time, I am super excited! It's like living in a dream because I love the ocean! You see, my mom's a marine biologist who has been doing most of her work over video calls, so now she will finally be stationed within the action. I will actually be living in a wing of off her new rescue center so that will be interesting. Also, my brother, my sister, and I have had to fly constantly to surfing cups. We will finally be in a place we can do home competitions so that will be narley! :) Also, Hawaii is Niga Higa's homeland and he's like my hero. :) As soon as I'm settled in, I'll give you a report of how it is. I am super excited!**

**Most all of these quotes were originally put together by AngelicSpring! SoOOO much credit to her! She was a joy to work with! :D Now I need to find someone willing to collect the quotes from Book 2 so we can keep this moving along! Please PM me as soon as you can! I need your help! :) Thanks and Merry Christmas!**

**Where Adventures Begin…**

**Alex Almighty**


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